Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
