M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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