that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
