I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
