The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
