so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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