; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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