If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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