I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
