She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
