Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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