Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
