If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm getting married
To pizza
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
