i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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