I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There r osticjed everywhere
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I supernannyed him into submission
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
