hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
