I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
