yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize