He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
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You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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