That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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