I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
