and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
