fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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