I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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