He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
