Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Drake has all the answers
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
