i wish my penis had a tongue
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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