Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
