Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
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So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
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The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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