My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
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i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
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Send help, water and tortillas.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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