It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If I die, sorry about rent.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
