it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
