kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
