all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
