you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
