for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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