it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
