im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
