by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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