Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
