1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
