just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
