That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
