I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
