He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
