i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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