I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come you make the beer taste better
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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