those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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