Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
