i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Dignity is for republicans.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
