It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
