I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
