Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
sarcasm needs its own font
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
