Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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