Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
