This beer is not sobering me up at all
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
