so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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