I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
