Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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