4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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