When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
